That day I was
invited to attend a religious gathering. not only Islam, but all religions
gather there even an atheist invited to complete this event. My name is Shareefa
Abdullah of Turkish descent, and Indonesia Nation. August 15th 2014 I headed
off to Paris to meet the invitation and I will stay there for a month. One week
in Paris, of course I've known people here. Andrea morscheek a Christian, Rumi ezward a jew, Fabiola wildblood a
Khatolik Roma, Yen Zhinzan a Buddhist and the last one was Sarah Anna an
atheist.
They
are the most my close friends. Daily we only discuss the problems we already
face it, without offending religion respectively. Because too fun of chatting
and laughing Andrea dropped Sarah ID card, and how shocked we were to see the
card.
"Sarah
Anna Hussain?!! Said andrea.
We only silence and all eyes looked at her,
with eyes that want to ask for an explanation.
“Whoever
left the faith-based community risk disappointment tightly parents, rejection
by friends and relatives, and accusations of self-loathing. This process can be
very difficult and isolating for Muslim women who have grown up, which is
sometimes accused of trying to assimilate into Western culture that they hate.”
Replied Sarah tried to explain to us. And the reason she continues to be an
atheist.
"It
was very painful, my whole life, while still a Muslim woman's identity...
"And talked
about leaving Islam, which is the hardest part of the process to open up to his
family. The taste that they had was where I turned on them," said Sarah.
Her parents
accused her think that she is better than his grandparents and other ancestors.
"You
think what you have is better than what we have? Do you think you like white
people...?" Sarah remembers what they say.
I'm still
curious about the story of Sarah. Very sad indeed and I watched Sarah's face
began to redden and tears shed, stop crying face, brown eyes could not help it.
"I
think there is no reason to leave a religion," I said to myself. Rumi
handed a tissue to Sarah and Yen, trying to calm her down.
During
childhood, she said...
"I
have always been quite challenging.When I was growing up, I struggled with
depression, and I think that praying more and reading the Quran will help. I
became more religious and looked forward to a traditional life. "
"I thought my life sort of set for me:
get married, have children," said Sarah. "I could go to school and I
will have a secure life in the country. That's what my family did, what my
ancestors did. "
We're still a
good listener for Sarah.
Already 12 o'clock
at night, Fabiola ask for Sarah to stop the story because it was very late. But
I'm not satisfied with story from Sarah anna. Cafe D'amour has been very quiet,
while looking around I looked at their faces they each seem very tired today. I
do not want to impose selfishness and my curiosity is very high.
"Sarah
tomorrow night we can continue this story, I'm still very curious." I
said.
"Okay"
.. she replied.
That morning in the presentation
room, the moderator expressed about why someone could leave their religion,
they even invited a associations Atheism comes from Washington and Toronto. It
feels the show is only disturb a person of faith, could even undermine religion
itself.
I
feel very bored with this association. And with a whim I sent a message to my
close friends close-to gather at Cafe D'amour especially for Sarah. I really
wanted to bring her to the beaten path again, I feel challenged and I feel a
huge sense of anger to sarah, how could she think to leave her Lord.
At
7 pm, the table number 20 has been filled by Andrea, Yen, Rumi and of course
Sarah anna. I didn’t saw Fabiola, maybe she was going out to church to worship.
We ordered coffee latte and fries, we have no one dared to ask for her to
continue her accounts.
Yen,
descendent Taiwan and Japan, she started conversation that evening with a joke
to dilute the atmosphere. Starting from this afternoon talking about moderators
and handsome men are from Qatar. The man named Tareq Hussain Albana a Muslim,
and I think Yen fell in love with her.
I
tease yen and asks if he falls in love with him that Qatar.
"Yen,
I think you've fallen in love with him, haha... And whether it's a sign you're
getting married and you're going to convert?"I asked her.
"You're right Reefa, I've fallen in love
with him, to marry and convert it I guess I would think, depending on how Tareq
convince me that there is a God out there who really ought to I worship.'' She
replied
We
all just smiled, and yen began to ask for Sarah anna to continue the story left
off yesterday, we started to put up a serious position. She drank her coffee
latte and ready to continue the story.
Starting
from a student, my feelings began to change. "As I began to investigate
religion, I realized that I was talking to myself," Sarah said. "No
one listens to me. I just went to the University of Toronto, and critical
thinking is a big part of my studies. I have a history of art and writing
background, and I realized every verse that I have found" the Qu’ran
"that explicitly or implicitly."
So
in 2009, I realized there is probably no God," she said
"What
is wrong in having a boyfriend, or premarital sex? What's wrong with the desire
to eat and drink water before sunset during the month of Ramadan? What's wrong
with that? I could not handle the cognitive dissonance again."
“Over
the next three years, my mother thought of myself as an agnostic. I stopped
practicing Islam. I still have Muslim friends, and my sister is married to a
religious Muslim family. Slowly, younger friends and relatives know things.
"They do not seem to care that I am not a Muslim," said Sarah.
"But
I do not go away without telling my parents."
Finally, her
parents heard.
"They are very angry, because they
believe in eternal hell," said Sarah.
"They
receive the majority of people who are not religious," added Sarah.
"But
we do not talk much about it anymore, and it was fine."
Ex-Muslim
members insist that they respect the rights of others to practice Islam. Their
group motto is "Not Bigotry and Apologism No," and the text on the
website is inclusive.
"We
understand that Muslims come in all varieties, and we do not and will not
participate in removing the diversity in Islamic world". Said Sarah
resolutely
But they are equally adamant that it
is still too difficult for Muslims to follow their thinking tends to atheism
which might lead. That Christians or Jews could take refuge in skepticism
reformist wing of their traditions, religious Muslims generally insist on the
literal truth of the Qur’an.
"I would say it's probably 0.1
percent who are willing to challenge the fundamentals of the faith, so they
were challenging the foundations can feel isolated. According to Sarah and her
colleagues at Ex-Muslims of North America, they are often heard from others who
say..."
"I thought I was the only one."
"When
I "came out" to the lord "it is not a good thing," she
said.
Her
parents have never heard of anyone leaving Islam. Her parents grew up with the
reason you can not leave, that no one could leave. Leaving Islam is something
very crazy person would do. Or if forced at sword point or gunpoint.
Critics accuse
me to be part of a Zionist conspiracy to make Muslims look bad.
"I
said, 'If I am, where my salary?" Said Sarah amused.
For a time, this
my parents took me to a priest, hoping to talk out of his apostasy.
"And
they will only give me confidence tautological," she recalled.
"You
are blessed to be born with Islam." And I would say,"But if I was
born a Christian, you would say the same thing, but for Christianity."
After
I spent four hours talking to this priest, and the conclusion was...
"Just have faith because you have to have
faith."
Tonight
we could not do anything about it, I was the same. My intention to bring her
back for sure will be in vain. I have come to accept the feeling of not knowing
where I am going. And I have trained myself to love it. Because it is only when
we are suspended in mid-air with no landing in sight, that we force our wings
to unravel and alas begin our flight. And as we fly, I still may not know where
we are going to. But the miracle is in the unfolding of the wings. I may not
know where you're going, but you know that so long as you spread your wings,
the winds will carry you.
And don't expect any understanding, but believe in a love
that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in
this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as
far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
I
always pray that a miracle of God to bring you back will come true Because
faith and reason is like two wings, Sarah...
“We
may define ‘faith’ as the firm belief in something for which there is no
evidence. Where there is evidence, no one speaks of "faith." We do
not speak of faith that two and two are four or that the earth is round. We
only speak of faith when we wish to substitute emotion for evidence.”
-
Bertrand Russell -
